Its’ been bothering me quite a lot lately that my wee man is obsessed with his daddy, why shouldn’t he be he has an amazing daddy. Bothering is putting it lightly tho, today I didn’t want to get out of bed to look after a child that what I felt didn’t love me. I know full well they all go through phases so everyone’s keeps telling me but everyone also keep telling me “when they’re ill they want their mammies” Do they?? Mine doesn’t!!

I bonded with LPV the minute I saw the “pregnant” window on my test. I read to him, sang to him, rubbed my tummy at 5am when he got the most horrendous hiccups inside me but the lack of breast-feeding, the PND and the fact I spent more time pumping milk than feeding my newborn bothers me and it always will. I didn’t get to do every feed to look down at gaze lovingly at him while he was feeding, expatdaddy got to do that while I expressed for the next feed, so I could at least get some sleep between feeds. Whenever LPV cries for his daddy all this come rushing back and it breaks my heart. I know full well I’m being silly and I know full well he’s loves me but I can’t help it.

Today I thought I’m not going to dwell on this, I did something about it. He’s poorly with a cough, cold and is dribbling for Ireland with those wretched teeth. So we stayed in warm and cosy and I let him do whatever he wanted, I didn’t force encourage him to play with playdough or colour cos that what other children do. If he wanted to play on the Elmo app on my phone he did, he wanted to watch the Gruffalo, he did but all the while I was there by his side, talking and laughing with him as usual but with my mind completely focused on the task at hand, minus the running commentary in my head about when I’ll cook dinner, have time to blog….. We shared a bath had lots of bedtime stories and cuddles, He even ate his dinner*does victory dance*

So I’ll go to bed tonight happier, he’s going to wake, at the moment it’s inevitable and if he calls for daddy, I will roll over smuggly and go back to sleep, knowing not to give this stupid feeling anymore thought

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