It’s no secret I’m a wee sensitive soul, I take things to heart, let people get to me, care what they think and cry a lot!!! It’s even worse now I’m preggo, admittedly I have cried as much with this pregnancy as much as i did with LPV. However the bank set me off the other day, Yes you heard right the bank made me cry!! Bastards. You see pregnancy brain made me lock my pin code on my switch card, now at home Halifax just ask me some security question but here…. here they want photo ID, urine samples……………..Ok maybe slight exaggeration but really who carries their passport around with them. I give them my UAE identity card, it’s expired, we go back to the house and get the farking passport. However were late for the hospital baby check up so we put the bank on the back burner.
I’m nervous this pregnancy, far more than last time, this appointment was to get results of my “Combo test” for Downs and Edwards Syndrome, since I’ve had the test I’ve been more and more aware of my age, Yes being 11 months past 35, its sooooooooooold!!
The dutch are not really renowned for their sensitivity or compassion, I find them really hard to deal with so also I’m fired up really to attack anyone who is remotely rude or pushes in front of me in a British polite queue, we check in I sit down, I mention the bank and then it happens………….. Niagara falls in a waiting room full of women who DO NOT cry and are so tough they’ll probably have their babies whilst cycling to do the weekly shop!!
As it happens my midwife was lovely, had great bedside manner and was thorough, we talked about the result which were good, ended the appointment feeling fairly positive about my experience here. I must had mentally blocked out the conversation about my crazy pills, the Dr in Dubai had put me one these particular ones, he had told me they were safe to take during pregnancy. Here, they want me to change them, not because they’re not safe but because they’re not part of protocol, fair enough I have No problem with it. However the conversation of my baby staying in hospital for 48 hours to be “monitored” for drug withdrawal has upset me beyond belief. I know it’s for the best and precaution but what have I don’t to my poor unborn baby. All because I was weak and couldn’t cope with being a Mammy the first time round. I’m going to be one of those Mammies I despised being civil or nice too when I was NICU nurse one of those mammies watching her baby come down from drugs, admitted I’m not taking methadone/heroin but still . We were nice to them because that was our job, not to judge but I couldn’t help it. Are they going to judge me?? Probably, I’m judging myself……………………………………………..